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Statement of Transmission

Dear Dr. Gill, 

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Yours truly, Trey Nicholas, thanks you for an insightful semester throughout the journey that is ENG 2105. Under the "Best Rewrites" link includes yours truly's best rewrites for Units 1-4 demonstrating mastery in Aristotelian Classical Argumentative Rhetoric. Additionally, the class mantra, "[t]he best writing is rewriting," is evident with numerous drafts expressed in each best rewrite. Yours truly is requesting a final letter grade for the following carefully written and proofread artifacts as yours truly spent a great amount of time revising and visiting peer mentors and writing center tutors to obtain a best rewrite, therefore he is confident he is providing you with the best quality writing he can possibly produce. 

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Thank you again for a challenging, yet insightful semester!

Unit 1: Gun Control Practice

Trey Nicholas

Dr. Gill- Mayberry

ENG 2105

24 September 2020

Introduction Paragraph

“The best writing is rewriting:” Best Rewrite 5 Draft(s); 3 Tutorial(s) (Peer Mentor Robert, WC Tyler Walker); 1 Teacher conference(s)

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(Provocative Title) Restrictive Gun Laws: A Futile Approach to Gun Violence


       (Hook) Provoked by gun control in United States (US) society, Lance Stell, associate of Journal of Law, Medicine & Ethics and author of “The Production of Criminal Violence in America: Is Strict Gun Control the Solution?”, argues, “[s]trict gun control institutionalizes the natural predatory advantages of larger, stronger, violence-prone persons or gangs of such persons” (45). (Bridge) Stell suggests enforcing new legislation to combat the tragic shootings will be futile in promoting the security of US society. (Divided Stasis/Thesis Sentence) (Opponent’s Claim Informed by Three Scholarly Sources) Although proponents of gun control claim gun violence will be curbed by stricter gun regulations, (Rhetor’s Main Claim Informed by Three Scholarly Sources) strict gun control measures will inadvertently provoke an unsafe environment for all US citizens because (Reason/Support 1) increasing gun scarcity does not affect homicide and suicide rates, (Reason/Support 2) restricting the Second Amendment will not affect criminal-use of firearms, and (Reason/Support 3) incorporating restrictive gun laws do not consider the well-being of mentally ill US citizens.

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Suggested Edits:

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  • Hook the headliner does not clarify the context of the situation you are describing. In your case you are talking about gun control but that is not clear in the Hook (ref).

  • Hook your headliner is now too wordy. Try to reduce the headliner to 5 words or less unless  told by the professor (wordy).

  • Divided Stasis the Opponent’s claim does not need to be a quote. It would be similar to your interpretation of their position.

  • Divided Stasis your opponent’s claim is longer than your rhetor’s main claim. You want your main claim to be longer otherwise it seems that your position is weaker (Wordy).

  • Divided Stasis Reason/support 3 is awkwardly word and wordy (awk) (Wordy). You can use a shorter premise or reword your last premise.

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Editing Log:

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       Assignment: The First Constituent Element of Aristotelian Classical Argumentative Rhetoric: Introduction Paragraph for the Topic Gun Violence in America.

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  1. Principle: Hook the headliner does not clarify the context of the situation you are describing. In your case you are talking about gun control but that is not clear in the Hook (ref).

Original: To demonstrate the sheer power Americans can possess...

Revision: To demonstrate the harsh effects gun control will impose on America...

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  1.  Principle: Hook your headliner is now too wordy. Try to reduce the headliner to 5 words or less unless  told by the professor (wordy).

Original: To demonstrate the harsh effects gun control will impose on America…

Revision: Demonstrating the reality gun control has on America…

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  1. Principle: Divided Stasis your opponent’s claim is longer than your rhetor’s main claim. You want your main claim to be longer otherwise it seems that your position is weaker (Wordy).

Original: Although proponents of gun control claim “expanded background checks and mandated active shooter emergency planning” will be a great step forward in reducing gun violence, (Rhetor’s Main Claim informed by three scholarly sources) strict gun control methods will offer negative consequences and inflict more harm by…

Revision: Although proponents of gun control claim gun violence will be curbed by reinforcing gun regulations, (Rhetor’s Main Claim informed by three scholarly sources) strict gun control methods will offer an unsafe environment for all Americans because…

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  1. Principle: Divided Stasis Reason/support 3 is awkwardly word and wordy (awk) (Wordy). You can use a shorter premise or reword your last premise.

Original: ...implementing laws addressing gun violence that are only passed to promote the curb appeal of politicians and not of America (4).  

Revision: ...removing guns will increase vulnerability among citizens who need firearm protection.

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